I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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