This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
