How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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