Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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