I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
