I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
