After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
