I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
