4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
