Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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