So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
