a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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