just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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