Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize