tell your sister to shave her snatch
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My life is pants optional.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
