remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
