You work out of a Hotel?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
