No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
