there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
