Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
