I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize