The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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