Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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