Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
