i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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