I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
