You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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