Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
