just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
