Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
