my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
