Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
