Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my liver is dry heaving
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize