my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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