She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
