I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
