Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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