Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
