Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize