okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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