google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
