omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love having hate sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
