remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Randomize
