I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
