Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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