It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
