I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
