can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
