we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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