ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
