yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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