All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
