those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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