This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
