I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
