you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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