I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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