am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is Oprah even human
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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