i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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