I wish my penis had an off switch
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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