Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
