He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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