hell yes lets make some ravioli
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
