if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
