Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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