I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
