I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
