How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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