I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize