You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
