he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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