I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
